This is a story of why I hate goodbyes.

I know there's 'good' in goodbye but I think that only applies to goodbyes in failed relationships.

I've said enough goodbyes for now and most of them weren't really something I would like to repeat.

Conclusionally (is that even a word?), there are three main reasons why I really hated goodbyes.

First of all, there's my mom who'd always go overboard with her emotions every time me or my sister are going back to Malaysia after our holidays. But that's just mom. She have a very soft heart and I know all mothers would feel the same way when it's about saying goodbye to their children.

Goodbye = Letting go

Then there's fights before goodbyes. This, I experienced thrice. First there was this very devastating fight that leads to a break up goodbye. Yeah, that was the hardest goodbye so far. Then there's my mom & dad fighting just about half an hour before my flight. They were fighting about money; like they always do. At that time I was trying so hard to held back the tears in my eyes. I never felt like running away from home as much as I did at that time. It was really depressing. I couldn't look into my parents' eyes and couldn't really say my goodbyes properly. And I remember very clearly that I couldn't stop crying in the departure hall. I was alone and all puffed up and can't stop crying. That was one. Then there's another one, when I was about to leave home for university. We departed from Tg Malim and was apparently late for my flight. So dad sped up and was driving like a mad man! Speedometer shows 150 to 200 km/h. And mom couldn't stop babbling about how fast he was. But that's just mom. I know she's worried. And when we reached the airport my dad scolded my mom for all the noise but all the same was very thankful that we managed to arrive on time. That was again, another time when I had to say goodbye to a fighting pair of parents.

My little sister (G) and little brother (Aiman)

Lastly, knowing that you're about to leave something that you truly love is one of the hardest thing about saying goodbyes. I just had my semester break in Brunei for about a month and I dare say that this holiday was the best so far. Dad's finally got control of his moodswings and everybody was so grown up and very adorable already. I kind of liked being there and didn't feel like going back to uni at all. So, the morning of my flight day, I got up super early to look at my brothers and sisters for the last time before they went to school. I woke up to a grumpy Adib, my youngest brother. When mom asked him to say goodbye to me, he just shook my hand and waited outside. He wouldn't even look at me. I was a bit sad but then I just let him be. But mom told me that Adib didn't like goodbyes and are always acting like that every time someone is leaving. Later that night, when I was already in KK, mom texted me. She told me that she had dinner with Adib and they had a conversation. Here goes,

Mama: Adib, do you miss Wawa?

Adib: Yeah, I feel strange because this t-shirt smells like her *sniffs his Batman shirt* and it smells good. (Maybe because I did the laundry and I did washed that shirt)

Adib, my perfect little git!

So yeah. I haven't really cried over the last goodbye, but as I'm writing this, I'm crying. I couldn't stand it any longer. How I miss that little git and how I missed his cheeky attitude. And how I missed all of them so much right now!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I hated goodbye so much!

And are about to say yet another goodbye in a few days. A very good friend is moving out of UMS. Sad.

Me and my dad before my flight back to KK.

My mom and I before my flight back to KK.

~najwa

p/s: Can I just be a full time house maid in my parents' house?! I wanna go home! I wanna be with them always! ;(((