FUCK the word AWKWARD

She slept at my place a few nights ago. And when she woke up, we snuggled a bit. Under my covers. We whispered, we talked, we hugged, we snuggled. Snuggled in a way best friends would do. But maybe the sight of us snuggling are just too intimate for others to see because when I peeked outside I saw one of my roomies spying on us with a disgusted look on her face. We were shocked and we went to my best friends' room. We were absolutely clueless about what happened earlier. After few minutes of discussing, we decided to act as normal as we possibly can. And when my best friend went to pick up her toothpaste from my bathroom, she saw my roomies gossiping with each other and my best friend said to me, 'By the looks of it, I knew they were talking about us.'

Since then, everything went really awkward around us. Around most of my close friends. So, I guess the news has spread. Thank you bitch. For you and your fat mouth and for ruining my social cycle. Thank you.

~najwa

p/s: Ada sedikit penipuan dalam post ini. Cari lah kalau larat.

p/p/s: Learn your lesson Wa.

Dulu dulu dulu dan Sekarang.

Aku cuma nak lepak bilik kau macam dulu.
Buat kerja kat bilik kau macam dulu.
Gurau-gurau dengan kau macam dulu.
Kongsi masalah dengan kau macam dulu.
Pegang tangan kau sebelum tido macam dulu.
Singgah bilik kau sebelum pergi kelas macam dulu.

Semua macam dulu tanpa awkward macam sekarang.

~najwa
p/s: I fucking hate the word AWKWARD!!!

An Ending

I know what we did was wrong.
I know what I did to you was wrong.
I know what we did made you feel awkward.
But for once, can't you just consider my feelings?
But for once, can't you understand that it made me feel awkward too?
It's not easy for me too.
FUCK what we did in the past time.
I am trying very hard here to try and save our friendship back.
But if you won't cooperate, then I gave up.
I won't bounce back to you.
I feel damn rejected by you already.
What you said was true; 'Don't get too close to people, it'll just hurt ourselves.'
Thank you. Now the words backfired to us.
Thanks for being such a great listener and friend before 'it' happened.

Goodbye.

~najwa
p/s: Please let me finish Degree as soon as possible! I hate the people here!

Hate post #2 : Liar liar pants on fire.

And now she lies.

She woke up late, and when asked at what time she went to bed last night she just said around 11pm. But then again, when I saw her Facebook page, she was still active around 3am in the morning. Why llie? Such an attention seeker.

~najwa

p/s: Dear attention seeker, go fug yourself. Thank you.

This is a hate post! #1

This is a hate post. So if you think you can't bear my words and the language I used here, don't even bother reading. Thank you :)

Here goes. (It's not too late to back off now).







YOU ARE ONE SICK BITCH..!!

ONE FRIGGIN COPYCAT..! SUCH A FAKE! SHOW OFF..!

Aku rasa memang aku tak boleh tahan betul dengan perangai kau. Like seriously bitch. You are such a bitch. Sick bitch. A very sick one.

Mula2 kau mendengki. Pastu kau copycat. Fake.
Semua barang yang aku ada semua kau nak ada jugak.
Semua barang yang aku beli semua kau nak beli jugak.
Semua benda yang aku suka, semua kau nak suka jugak.

Like whatdehelll laaa...

Get your own life la.

Pastu sesuka hati suruh aku angkut barang kau. Ingat aku ni kuli batak kau ke..??!
Bengong betul. Menyakitkan hati. Memang kalau ada manusia yang suka mencabar kesabaran aku, kau la orangnya.

~najwa

p/s: Kak Fynn, tolongla bagi kata2 semangat nak menghadapi manusia macam ni... Sedihh...! Pedih...!

Private Moment

Did I not earn my own private moment?

Setiap kali aku bangun awal pagi untuk belajar, itu adalah kerana aku nak sedikit waktu peribadi untuk aku luangkan dengan diri aku SAHAJA! Kerana malam-malamku dan petang-petangku telah dicerobohi oleh rakan-rakan. Tapi kenapa yang tu pun korang tak mampu nak bagi? Tak boleh ke bagi aku private time tu?

Tahu tak apa itu comfort zone? Tahu tak apa itu personal space?

Kau senang je keluar masuk bilik aku, tunggang tonggeng atas katil aku. Bila kau datang, kau datang sesuka hati. Bila kau datang sesuka hati tu kalau setakat nak buat hal sendiri aku kira boleh terima lagi. Tapi bila kau mula nak kacau orang, annoying gila babi and intimidating, tu dah mengganggu ketenteraman aku. Eh HELLO! That's my space. My personal space! Tolong hormat boleh?? Bila kau nak buat assignment ke ape ke yang memerlukan konsentrasi dan fokus, pandai pulak kau cari personal space kau; bilik kau tu.

Bila aku heret laptop dan segala buku bagai keluar, pandai pulak kau tanya kenapa aku buat kerja kat luar. Tak cukup dengan tu, kau pun heret segala harta kau jugak. Pastu nak annoying depan aku. Dah kenapa?

Please la, aku mohon, tolong la bagi aku some private time with myself. I FUCKING NEED IT..! I need my own personal space!

Once again I ask the question I asked earlier,

DID I NOT EARN MY OWN PRIVATE MOMENT?!

So far, the answer is still NO. Dammit!

~najwa

p/s: Please, respect other people's space and feelings. You can't just ignore those just because you think you are close friends with them. Respect their belongings, space, feelings. Jangan main lanyak ikut sedap hati kau!

p/p/s: Okay, terlampau garang pulak post ni. Pardon me.

Mempertikai, Dipertikaikan

Sedih bila ada yang mempertikai keputusan kami balik semenanjung disebabkan perang tu. Katanya;

>> Fikirlah sesuatu itu secara matang

>> jgn cepat paranoid

>> mcm mane nak berjihad utk pertahankan negara sedangkan baru sikit ujian...da TAKUT

>> Jgn disebabkan penyakit MALAS...kite mudah utuk mengalah dalam mencari ilmu

>> Ingatlah di mana2 ade maut

>> Bagaimana kalau terjadi semenanjung?? kite nak pindah Sabah pulak kew??

>> Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??

>> Ibu bapa akn tenang sekiranya kite bercerita semuanya OK sahaja 

>> Menuntut ilmu itu salah satu jihad..^___^

"Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??"

"Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??"

"Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??"

Statement yang tu memang paling xleh blah! Cara dia cakap macam bagus. Dia tak sedar ke yang LIFE is LIKE THAT? He or she cannot expect people to be like them. Different people, different ways, different parents. What I mean by different parents is that some parents may tolerate us being in that kind of situation but some, they are worried as hell and couldn't bear if anything happened to their children knowing that they could have avoid risking their child.

Dan katanya lagi, 'Ingatlah di mana2 ade maut'. So true. I've been saying that to myself ever since the war and ever since mama kept asking me whether or not I want to go back to KL. Honestly, I didn't want to go back. I would really love to stay in SPL even though the war is haunting me every night and I find it really hard to sleep at night. But the thought that I'm making my mama worried sick just because of me, I decided to go back. My mama, she have high blood pressure. I don't want her to get sick worrying about me. She have got loads of things to be worried about. But I'm not gonna be one of them.

So, to those of you who are trying to look down at us because we're leaving the WAR ZONE, shut your big fucking mouth! Place yourself in our shoes and you'll know what it feels like to be us. Cakap pasal pengecut la apa la, why not korang je yang pergi perang kat Lahad Datu tu...?! Ada berani..?! Ni semua pakat ikut pindah pergi KK then enjoying yourselves kat 1B and then complaining here and there. Such a pain in the ass you know.

Cermin diri sendiri sebelum cakap apa-apa. Or it might get back to you.

~najwa

p/s: People with their one minded minds, they're getting on my nerves.

Are we safe here?

That is a question that I myself did not dare answer.

There's been a war between Malaysia and the descendant of Sultan Suluk of Philippines in Lahad Datu. And I'm currently in Sandakan. Well, SPL UMS is in Sandakan. We don't how bad it's going to be and we kept asking ourselves, "Are we going to be okay?", "Are we safe here?" and parents kept calling asking how we're doing and what actually happened. The truth is, we don't know.

Map of Sabah (for your reference, just in case)

We don't know how safe or how serious this thing is right now. And what bummed us the most is the fact that the national news said that everything is under control when people are already dead with the intrusions and gun fighting.

Above: Officers that died during the gun fighting
Below: Officers that are badly injured.

And now I'm begging all of you to pray the very best for Lahad Datu. May victory will always be with us. InsyaALLAH. Amiin.

~najwa

p/s: My hands are sore from playing badminton earlier this evening.

YOU!

Hey you!

Hands off my valuables!

Feet off my bed!

Mouth off from everything that I'm doing!

Hands off my body!

Get off of my life!!!


QUIT snuggling me in the mornings!

I AM NOT YOUR GAY PARTNER! GEDDIT?!

UGH!!! SERIOUSLY?!

~najwa

p/s: I need some time for myself. Get outta my space. You are suffocating me!

Baldi

Bila tunggu baldi penuh, aku gosok gigi
Bila tunggu baldi penuh, aku tenung paip
Bila tunggu baldi penuh, aku cuci muka
Bila tunggu baldi penuh, aku kira tiles dalam jamban
Bila tunggu baldi penuh, aku pintal-pintal rambut

Tapi, sejak hari tu,

Bila tunggu baldi penuh...
Aku hilang dalam masa
Aku tenung parut itu.
Aku tenung luka itu.
Aku terimbau luka itu.

Sehingga air melimpah keluar.

~najwa

Tutup

Tidurlah, tidur, tidur.
Tidurlah sebab bila kau tidur kau tutup.

Tutup mata.
Tutup mulut.

Bila tutup mulut,
Hidup tenang.
Hidup diam.
Hidup aman.
Teruslah tidur.

Atau..

Atau aku yang harus tidur..?

~najwa

Kem Medan Kor SISPA

When I enrolled in UMS, I was determined to take the theater club as my co-curricular acivities. But then, I got the information that my campus was in Sandakan. The Sandakan campus is only a small campus with a total of around 300 students. My hert sank because the Sandakan campus have only SISPA, Bomba, Paramedic and modern music for their co-curricular activities. Sedih tahu tak dapat ikut teater. Itu impian setelah sekian lama. But then, apa boleh buat. So I joined SISPA instead. Partly because I have to. But the main reasons were because we got free uniforms plus boots and beret, outdoor activity allowance and because it is one of the most active co-curricular clubs. I mean, I have to get good marks. Being the passive me, I have to find an active club.

So, back to the main story, SISPA KK conducted a boot camp. All SISPA students have to take part. The camp was the kind that is harsh and army-like camp. Where we have to attend to physical training every morning and have to learn fire fight, search and rescue and first aid. Tapi memang best la sebab tido dalam actual camp and kawad and all that stuff. Being me, yang mata-tak-reti-dok-diam-asyik-mengusha-je-keje, I  first spot myself a very cute instructor. Oh well, what can I do, Induk's SISPA boys are not so cute. Here are some photos through out the camp.

Below are pictures throughout the camp. Pictures credit to JPAM Sabah. Sila tengok sampai muntah. Haha.

Ramai je yang merungut sebab kem ni rough and tough sangat. Tapi, what the hell. I like it anyway.

~najwa

Tentang belajar: Kawan-kawan yang pergi belajar oberseas.

Siapa yang jadi rakyat jati Brunei memanglah amat bertuah. Senang giloss nak dapat scholarship untuk pergi belajar overseas. Sebab Brunei kaya. Dan sebab Brunei kecik. So there are less competition. Member-member aku masa kat STPRI (Sekolah Tinggi Perempuan Raja Isteri) and kat Brunei dulu majoritinya dah pergi sambung belajar kat luar negara. I is so jelly :( Below are some of the lucky peoples:

Sakina Jumat, University of Bristol (UK). (No picture)

Siti Syakina (the one in black tudung), University of Leeds (UK), BSc Neuroscience.

Hanisah Majidah, University of Southampton (UK), Psychology.

Wafaa Mohammad, Durham University (UK).

Aqirah Norizan, University of Edinburgh (UK).

Dk. Nurain, Northumbria University (UK), BA Fine Art.

Fatimah Abusufian, Keele University (UK), International Relations.

Naqibah Fadzil, University of Essex (UK), Accounting.

Nadzirah Abdullah (right), University of Kent (UK), Psychology.

Amal Sufian (the one without tudung), University of Kent (UK).

Asyiqin Ismail, University of Exeter (UK).

Rasyidah Mazlan, University of Warwick (UK).



Bila la agaknya turn aku kan.. Hmm~

~najwa

p/s: Tula, dulu bajet je cakap tak nak study overseas la apa la. Kan skang da jeles tengok orang lain pergi belajar overseas. Huhu.

Tentang sifat ke-negeri-an.

[For God's sake Najwa. Four posts within the last two hours? You sure have a lot of things to say]

Ehem. Ehem.

Merujuk title di atas. Agak-agak bila disebut tentang sifat 'ke-negeri-an', negeri mana agaknya yang menerjah masuk ke minda?

Meh sini nak jawab. Senang je. Kelantan.

Kenapa aku cakap macam tu?

Sebab di kalangan orang-orang Kelantan ni, walau bergaduh macam mana pun, walau kutuk sesama sendiri macam mana pun dia tetap akan duduk dengan sek-sek dia.

Contoh terdekat. Ada sorang budak kuliah aku ni, Si H, budak Kelantan. Okay-okay je dia ni. Biasa-biasa je. Pastu dua minggu kemudian masuk la budak second intake pulak. Pun dari Kelantan, Si D. Si D dengan geng-geng dia ni stok-stok budak-budak nakal yang suka buat bising and hence mengganggu ketenteraman kuliah kitorang. So, Si H ni pun melenting la. Memarah dengan segala amarahnya dekat Si D ni. Siap post secara terang-terangan lagi kat page Facebook kitorang. Aigoo~

Pastu baru-baru ni ada final bola Malaysia Cup ke kejadah apa entah. Tapi yang penting bola la. Okay, memang aku tak sangkal. Kelantan memang hebak bab-bab bola neh. So sek-sek Kelantan pun sume excited. Yang membenci, yang memaki, yang menghamun dulu dah elok bertegur dah sekarang. #Eh. *ternganga*

Lepas tu yang mengejutkan aku, tadi sehabis kelas Mandarin, aku nampak Si H duduk semeja dengan Si D. Waddefak? Apakah itu? Kalau bukan hipokrit, mesti sifat ke-negeri-an kan? Hahaha [sarkastik laugh kat situ]

Oh, ada lagi sorang. Dulu dia kutuk Si H. Tapi entah kenapa semenjak dua menjak ni dah macam bestfriend pulak dengan Si H tu. Dia orang Kelantan jugak. Apakah itu? Kalau bukan hipokrit, mesti sifat ke-negeri-an kan? Hahaha [sarkastik laugh lagi kat situ]

Bagus lah tu kan kalau mereka dah berkawan. Lebih molek daripada bermusuh dan membenci terus.

Pening aku memikir pasal karenah 'Orang Kelantan' ni. Sesungguhnya diorang ni punya semangat ke-negeri-an yang sangat kuat. [Agaknya tu yang selalu menang bola tu] Nak bersemangat ke-negeri-an tu boleh. Tapi tolong jangan sampai orang keliling naik menyampah. Okay? Okay. Terima kasih.

~najwa

p/s: Gomo Kelate Gomo! [WTF? -____-"]