Faham. Sakit rasanya.

Skarang aku faham.
Bila dia cakap dia dah tak boleh bergurau tu macam mana rasanya.
Rasa pedih.
Not being able to joke around and hang around with someone you like without ever feeling guilty.
Sorry Atiqah. Sorry..!
:'(

~najwa

p/s: Ya Allah, dah lama tak rasa macam ni. Dugaan apa yang kau turunkan ni? Rasa sedih dan pedih hati sebijik macam masa aku break up dengan Man dulu. Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hati hambaMu yang lemah ini Ya Allah. Aku mohon daripada mu Ya Allah!

p/p/s: Banyak post luahan hati kat cni sebab dah tak boleh nak Tweet dengan bebas. Sebab memasing dah ada TweetDeck. Memasing stalk memasing. Memasing tau cerita memasing. Thank you and fuck you TweetDeck. Dan sebab aku dan Atiqah terlampau rapat sampai kami tau apa maksud Tweets kami. Kannnn? Shit bila dah terlalu rapat dan terlalu memahami. SHIT.

Hate post #2 : Liar liar pants on fire.

And now she lies.

She woke up late, and when asked at what time she went to bed last night she just said around 11pm. But then again, when I saw her Facebook page, she was still active around 3am in the morning. Why llie? Such an attention seeker.

~najwa

p/s: Dear attention seeker, go fug yourself. Thank you.

This is a hate post! #1

This is a hate post. So if you think you can't bear my words and the language I used here, don't even bother reading. Thank you :)

Here goes. (It's not too late to back off now).







YOU ARE ONE SICK BITCH..!!

ONE FRIGGIN COPYCAT..! SUCH A FAKE! SHOW OFF..!

Aku rasa memang aku tak boleh tahan betul dengan perangai kau. Like seriously bitch. You are such a bitch. Sick bitch. A very sick one.

Mula2 kau mendengki. Pastu kau copycat. Fake.
Semua barang yang aku ada semua kau nak ada jugak.
Semua barang yang aku beli semua kau nak beli jugak.
Semua benda yang aku suka, semua kau nak suka jugak.

Like whatdehelll laaa...

Get your own life la.

Pastu sesuka hati suruh aku angkut barang kau. Ingat aku ni kuli batak kau ke..??!
Bengong betul. Menyakitkan hati. Memang kalau ada manusia yang suka mencabar kesabaran aku, kau la orangnya.

~najwa

p/s: Kak Fynn, tolongla bagi kata2 semangat nak menghadapi manusia macam ni... Sedihh...! Pedih...!

Another goodbye and a birthday

This post is for Yusrina Yunus.

Selama masa final exam first semester hari tu aku dah memang nampak 'kekosongan' kat jiwa Yusrina. Dia macam tak boleh nak study. Study apa pun macam tak lekat dalam otak dia. She applied for UiTM. And Alhamdulillah, she got in. Dia dapat course chemical engineering. And semalam dia fly balik semenanjung to prepare for her registration. So, goodluck Yus. We love you so much! ;) And oh! Today's Atiq's 20th birthday! Happy birthday dear. :)

From left: Haslina, Syazwani, Tatiana, Yusrina, Atiqah, Kak Dayah, Kelly
Not in picture: ME! (I'm the photographer)

Atiq's birthday cake. Happy 20th birthday Atiq. We love you.

~najwa

p/s: I'm sure gonna miss my bed buddy and I don't want another bed buddy other than her! :(

Final Exam

Currently kicking up some mental exercise. Final exam is here. Final exam untuk semester pertama. Kejap je dah final exam. Nanti pejam celik pejam celik, dah FINAL YEAR..! Yeayyy! (tone: sarcastic) Dream big little girl. Dream big.

Paper Intro to Agriculture, Agricultural Ecology and Etika & Akhlak dah lepas.

Next up Agricultural Chemistry. Then on the same day TITAs. Thursday Mandarin. Friday Plant Nutrition and lastly, Saturday, SISPA!!! Yeayy..!!!! :D

Next Monday, BRUNEI..! Can't wait. I'm gonna make a whole lot of lists of food to eat, to cook, to bake and a continuous list of things to-do in Brunei. I miss Brunei.

STUDY! STUDY! STUDY!

Cepatlah cepat-cepat. Cepatlah habis paper. Penat study ni. Grr...

#Study mode: ON

~najwa

p/s: Kenapa kaki cepat kebas sekarang ni ek? Kneecaps and joints problem maybe. Hmm~

Kem Medan Kor SISPA

When I enrolled in UMS, I was determined to take the theater club as my co-curricular acivities. But then, I got the information that my campus was in Sandakan. The Sandakan campus is only a small campus with a total of around 300 students. My hert sank because the Sandakan campus have only SISPA, Bomba, Paramedic and modern music for their co-curricular activities. Sedih tahu tak dapat ikut teater. Itu impian setelah sekian lama. But then, apa boleh buat. So I joined SISPA instead. Partly because I have to. But the main reasons were because we got free uniforms plus boots and beret, outdoor activity allowance and because it is one of the most active co-curricular clubs. I mean, I have to get good marks. Being the passive me, I have to find an active club.

So, back to the main story, SISPA KK conducted a boot camp. All SISPA students have to take part. The camp was the kind that is harsh and army-like camp. Where we have to attend to physical training every morning and have to learn fire fight, search and rescue and first aid. Tapi memang best la sebab tido dalam actual camp and kawad and all that stuff. Being me, yang mata-tak-reti-dok-diam-asyik-mengusha-je-keje, I  first spot myself a very cute instructor. Oh well, what can I do, Induk's SISPA boys are not so cute. Here are some photos through out the camp.

Below are pictures throughout the camp. Pictures credit to JPAM Sabah. Sila tengok sampai muntah. Haha.

Ramai je yang merungut sebab kem ni rough and tough sangat. Tapi, what the hell. I like it anyway.

~najwa

Tentang belajar: Aku; dulu dan sekarang.

Aku tertanya-tanya. Kenapa dulu masa belajar aku senang je nak hafal semua benda. Senang je nak faham semua. Sekarang ni, jangan nak kata hafal or faham, nak membaca pun aku tergagap. Teruk.

So, aku reflect balik aku dulu dan sekarang.

Dulu aku senyap. Sekarang aku bising gila. Mungkin sebab tu aku susah nak terima ilmu. Banyak sangat perkara lagha dalam otak aku ni.

Dulu masa kat sekolah ugama aku rajin hafal ayat-ayat al-Quran dan doa-doa. Mungkin sebab tu la aku senang nak hafal ilmu sampingan yang lain. Sekarang, jangan nak kata hafal semua tu. Nak baca al-Quran pun susah. Teruk! Facepalm sikit!

Dulu aku tak banyak kawan. So fikiran aku selalunya hanya akan fokus kepada pelajaran. Tu yang cemerlang tu. Sekarang aku banyak kawan. Aku happy, tapi pelajaran aku tunggang langgang. Aku stress. Demm~

Dulu aku ada family yang sentiasa pantau aku. Walau macam mana shitty pun keadaan sekeliling, mereka tetap ada. Entah macam mana menjadi pendorong aku untuk berjaya. Papa peneman aku untuk stay up study. Sekarang aku jauh daripada family. Contact pun jarang sekali. Semangat diorang terasa lebih jauh. Dan bila jauh, aku susah nak stay up untuk study. Aku penakut. Chicken!

Mungkin juga hati ini terlalu gelap dan hitam dengan dosa-dosa lampau yang menyebabkan aku susah untuk terima ilmu ini. Pasti. Perlu segera taubat dan minta ampun. Aku tahu. Kuatkanlah hati ini Ya Allah!

Hanya 4 perbezaan dulu dan sekarang yang dapat aku keutarakan. Namun hakikatnya perbezaan itu jauh lebih besar. Kalau dulu cikgu semua muak asyik tengok muka aku naik atas pentas untuk terima anugerah pelajar terbaik, sekarang aku hanya student biasa. Nak duduk sama-sama meraikan mereka yang cemerlang tu pun aku rasa aku tak layak. Aku dah jauh tersasar. Aku tak konsisten.

Sumpah aku rindu zaman kegemilangan itu. Sumpah aku rindu untuk buat mama & papa bahagia dengan kejayaan aku. Aku tak nak dengar mereka redha dengan keputusan aku yang tak seberapa ini. Aku malu.

Aku ingin bangkit. Ingin berjaya seperti dahulu. Ingin merasai manisnya kejayaan itu sekali lagi. Aku akan tebus segala kegagalan aku yang dulu. Untuk aku, untuk masa depan dan untuk mama papa. Insyaallah. Doakan kejayaan aku.


~najwa

p/s: Rasanya mulai sekarang aku harus cuba untuk berubah seperti dahulu. Perlu mula menghafal ayat al-Quran dan doa-doa semula. Perlu lebih dekatkan diri kepada sang Khaliq.

Jangan jatuh. Untuk Mira.

Mira kawan aku yang dapat satu universiti dengan aku. Bezanya kami cuma kampus. Dia induk, aku Sandakan. Bezanya kami lagi aku tahan, dia tidak. Aku rasa aku pun akan seperti dia kalau aku duduk di bumi Sabah tanpa rakan. Tanpa teman. Aku pun akan berputus harap seperti dia. And lastly, dia decide untuk pindah. Dia dapat UiTM Shah Alam. Jadi Mira, ini untuk kau. JANGAN JATUH. (Hasil karya Fynn Jamal. Macam sesuai je untuk Mira. :D)

Perasaan yang terlalu menakutkan
Perasaan yang terlalu menyeramkan

Aku ditinggal di tepi jalan
Aku ditinggal tanpa rakan dan taulan

Celakanya perasaan ini
Ku fikirkan aku bisa berdiri sendiri
Terlalu percaya pada kudrat diri
Sampai aku lupa yang aku tak mampu berdiri

Tapi bukan sebenarnya aku ini tak mahu
Bukanya aku tak mahu ditinggalkan seperti dulu
Tapi aku sudah dibiasa untuk berada bersama-sama kamu

Celakalah engkau
Yang memaksa aku diajar
Untuk memegang tangan itu
Bila dibiarkan aku sendirian; ah~

Celaka
Celaka
Celaka
Celaka

Jangan jatuh
Jangan jatuh
Jangan jatuh
Jangan jatuh
Jangan jatuh
Jangan jatuh!
Jangan jatuh!!
JANGAN JATUH!!!

Semua orang memaksa aku
Terjatuh-jatuh
Dan aku bisikkan pada jiwa aku
Yang kulit ini tak akan melepuh

Ku biarkan siapa
Jutanya berada di belakang telinga
Ku biar saja
Aku kata,
"Aku takkan jatuh kerana dia"
Aku takkan jatuh semata!
Semata dia

Jangan jatuh-jatuh
Jangan jatuh-jatuh
Jangan jatuh-jatuh
Jangan jatuh!

Walau apa juga kata satu dunia;
Tentang harus mati seorang kamu.
Walau bagaimana meyakinkan~~
Jangan Jatuh!


p/s: Mira, aku tak pernah terasa bila kau cakap kau nak pindah. Tapi sedih tu memang ada. Sorry aku tak dapat nak ada dengan kau sepanjang masa kau dalam kesusahan. Aku akan sentiasa doakan yang terbaik untuk kau. Apa-apa pun, kita akan tetap bersama selamanya. :) Aku sayang kau MIRA!! Jangan jatuh kat UiTM nanti. Kuat ye sayang.

:)

~najwa

Puisi Untuk SJ Camp.

I just got back from a very tiring camp. The camp was called Senior Junior Camp. Dan pada malam penutup camp tu ada persembahan kebudayaan. Dan pada malam tu group aku, Super Seven (team mates are Fakhrur, Bessy, Maharani, Shobana, Eiqa, Wei Fern, Siew Fong and Daud), dapat task untuk mempersembahan sebuah puisidra. Apa itu? Gabungan puisi dan drama. Temanya 'Satu Nafas Baru'. Bila dapat tau je ada puisi, aku terus volunteer untuk buat puisi tu. Almaklumlah, sejak kebelakangan ni asyik berjiwa puitis je bila dengar dan baca hasil karya Kak Fynn Jamal. So I came up with this (its a bit long. so, please bear with it :D ) :

Pendidikan separa tinggi,
HABIS!
Kini menuju yang lebih tinggi.
Mara selangkah lebih dekat.

Habis hancur, habis kecewa,
Bila hati melihat warkah.
Hati menjerit, hati berkata,
Ini buka yang aku mahu.
BUKAN!

Bila ditanya pada ramai,
Ada yang kata tidak.
Ramai hanya kata, 'Redha jelaaa~'

OK!
Aku terima!
Aku sahut!

Sekejap, kini di bandara.
Ku tatap wajah ayah.
Ku tatap wajah ibu.
Ku genggam erat
Dan ku kucup tangan mereka.
Dahi dicium.
Mata ini lantas bergenang.
Mata itu juga bergenang.
Dengan itu aku pergi.
Dengan itu aku bawa bersama:
Harapan, pesanan dan nasihat ayah ibu.

Akhirnya tiba,
Perasaan berkocak.
Dada berombak.
Sedihkah? Marahkah?
Kelirukah? Atau gembirakah?
Sungguh, aku tidak tahu.
Rasa ini tak terleraikan.

Indah. Memang tempat ini indah.
Aku bagai jatuh cinta pandang pertama.
Aku suka.

Tapi salji tak kekal.
Begitu juga gembira itu.

Dikhabarkan perlu berpindah.
Ke mana? Ke tempat yang lain.
Ceruk. Pedalaman. Kampung. Katanyalah.

OMG!
Hati ini terdetik, bisakah bertahan?
Persetan, pasakku teguh untukmu.
Mungkin taufan akan surut.
Tetap datang petir ribut.
Tak apa!
Setiapnya aku sambut.
Untukmu, aku takkan takut!

Bumi berputar.
Hari tetap bertukar.
Aku terima.
Aku akur.

Jika ini jalannya,
akan ku perjuangkan sehabis jiwaku.
Jika ini jalannya,
Aku tak kan mengaku kalah.

Alah bisa tegal biasa.
Dari benci jadi cinta.
Mula dulu rasa terseksa.
Tapi sekarang aku suka.

Ijazah itu, Sijil itu,
Demi ayah, demi ibu,
Demi aku, demi masa depan,
Pasakku akan tetap teguh!!!

p/s: note that in some parts of this (so-called) puisi ada lirik Fynn Jamal sikit aku amek. Sebab kebetulan lirik tu macam sesuai je. :))

Di siapkan dalam masa 2 jam, aku rasa aku puas hati dengan puisi ni. Team mates pun banyak bagi kerjasama masa mementaskan drama puisi ni. Good job Super Seven! :D

~najwa.

they made my day!

i was in a bad mood early this afternoon. so i decided to surf the net to drown out all the tense. while i was busy surfing and exploring the net, Shafyz came with a bowl of DURIANS! finally! i've been craving for durian for weeks now. i am so happy that i immediately put aside my lappy (sorry darling). when i approached Shafyz, Amy, my other dorm mate, says, "Go and take another bowl of durian in that paperbag."

i was speechless. thanks you guys for the Durians. it was very meaningful to me. i ate a lot of it that both Amy & Shafyz advised me that Durian will heat up my body. and i told them "i don't care. i want to eat as much durian as i can."

later that night, Anna's mom brought some laksa for us. it was a lot and we can't finish it. so we decided to call the other dorms to come and finish them up. for a moment, it feels like my dorm was having a feast. & the dorm ended up like a durian orchard. hihi.

we were so full and most of us started laughing & talking & mumbling. i felt like a complete idiot. i feel like i'm on pills. I laughed very hard tonight & i've never felt this full before.



nyum3! thnx for the food you guys! and thanx a bunch for all the fun. thnx for making my day better! =))

the absolute druggie for the night,
nudgewa.

p/s: it did make me feel all heaty. well, gotta hit the shower tomorrow morning. (oh! that reminds me, i've got to go to school tomorrow! Bummer!!)

p/ss: notice that my blog is halfway done. creating a new banner takes time.. =)

voila spaghettinni!!! (part two)

here's the pictures that i've promised to upload. =))

the sauce.

the spaghetti.

the sauce (uncooked)

the spices.

the ingredients.

Je n'ai jamais su que je devais migraine

which practically means: 'I never knew I had migraine.'

yes.
i never knew i had migraine before.


well,
i'm not fussing about it.



SAFIYAH..!! Happy 17th Birthday..!!

you're a year older..

new age, new storybook.

=))

i have something to post earlier.

but i forgot.

oh yea, i got a bucket and 1 huge plastic bag of laundry.
will not waste my energy to wash them,
instead, i'll sacrifice rm2 for the machine.
oh yes.oh yes.
i ♥ my hand & body more.

oh,
before i forget,
the medicine i got from the clinic made me sleepy all day.
first, i slept in the morning.
then i woke up for lunch, swallowed 3 pills, went back to my dormitory and.....
SLEEP SOME MORE until dinner..
hahah!

well, there's no tuition tonight.
so, i've got to finish my homework.
=))

once again, Happy Burthday Safiyah!















1 more day to go.

cette semaine est une semaine de détente

which practically means: " This week is a relaxing week."

WH questions everybody..:

• Who?: us students
• What?: erm...
• When?: as told above, this week.
• Why?: the 'Anugerah Cemerlang Gemilang' is this week.

so, almost all the students are overjoyed.
except for those who are involved with the day.
as for me,
oh yes i am overjoyed (haa..tunggu gi..) !!

today, out of 5 subjects, only 2 subjects that we actually had class. i.e, English and Agama.
also today, the photography session for the school's magazine.
my photo was taken thrice (*proud2).
one for the class picture, one for the individual picture and one as the Consumer's Club's Chairperson.
weehee..
and, yeah, everyone was busy.

during BM (i think..not sure..), my friends and i was bored to death.
we were waiting for recess.
we killed time by chatting and scribbling and laughing and the fun part was creating new nicknames.
and we came up with:

♥NURUL NAJWA ABDUL RAHIM-me-wawa && ruru♥
♥QADRATUL AMANI TAJUL ARUS-amani-qaqa && rara♥
♥NUR HIDAYAH AZIZI-dayah-hihi && ah'ah♥
♥NUR AMEDA SHUKRI-meda-meme && a'a♥
♥NURUL HAYATI OTHMAN-yats-haha && yaya♥
♥WAN NOR SYAIDATUL AKMAL-wan-or'or && an'an♥
♥NURUL SYAZWANI ISMAIL-wani-nunu && on'on♥
♥NUR AINA SHAFIQAH NORZAN-aenna-nana && af'af♥

haha. its funny. & not to mention, FUN!!!!!
yeap.this is what we did during our free time.

note to self: use your free time to study.. SPM 09's batch REMEMBER...?? x)

don't stress, don't stress, don't stress..


from me,
nudgewa.



















2 days.

i'm sorry

my friends,
i had moodswing today.
it started with my face.
there's something wrong with my face.
it was oily && smelly.
i don't know what it was!
darn itt!!

that was first,
then, i discovered something uneasy.(let it be a secret.)
then, Aaaaaaaaaaaaa seemed like she refused to help me with my maths.
then, Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii suddenly appeared and pinch me and hit me.
she was joking.
but i was not in the mood for jokes!
i pulled a face on her and that was the limit.
my mood was ruined!
until the end of school day

Amani asked me twice, "Wa, what's wrong with you?"
then it was Amed, in Bio lab, "Wa, is something wrong?"

and i answered, "i'm doing fine!"

i'm such a big liar.
nothing's fine today.
i was tensed at school today.

hurm.
but as soon as i reached my dorm,
i felt a rush of regret for behaving like that to my friends.

so, my dear geng bulat..

i love you guys.

sorry for my behavior at school today.

sorry3..

désolé pour tout..

je t'aime ma copine..!!

from my heart,
nudgewa






















8 days.

sepublic sepeaking. X)

ohkayh..

here goes.

with me unprepared,
i crashed the venue,
that is 7A2's class.
i only have my pencil case and my note card with me.
when i first arrived at the corridor (2nd floor) i saw teacher Zurina at the parking lot, on her way to go up.
i started becoming nervous just by seeing her because last year she was one of the judges.
then i got into the classroom.
i finally saw my opponents.
i was very relieved when i saw that majority in the class was juniors.
so i say to myself, "I'm the only senior so far. I can take over these crowds."

i saw familiar faces.
most of them had participated in last year's public speaking competition.

teacher Zu was already in. she told us that we were waiting for the judges
not long after that, i saw my English teacher, teacher Zakiah and another English teacher, Datin Solehah coming into the room.

so, we started our competition.
the first speaker was a little chinese girl.
i didn't remember what form she was.
her topic was quite interesting.
it was about a teenager's freedom.
when she first spoke, i started to have goosebumps.
"Damn this girl was good! And she's a junior!"
i lost my confidence.
then her turn was over.

there were a few people delivered their speech.

when it was my turn,
i gathered ALL of the confidence that i can.
i put it ALL together.
to my own surprise,
i managed to deliver it in quite a positive way.
loud, clear voice and good pronunciation.
the only negative side of my speech today was that i got no style and i didn't memorize my text.
all in all, it was a LOT better than my presentation last year.

this was what i observed today, during the competition:

• i THINK Regu (an Indian boy) & A.S. used the same topic that they used last year.
• a boy named Vincent talked about blogging, his text contents was almost the same as my English PowerPoint Presentation last year.
• One of school junior debater used my public speaking topic last year but she added some additional points.
• Teacher Zurina slept. hihi. but, there's this one time, where she suddenly stood up and take pictures of the competitions.
• Teacher Zakiah stared at me while i'm delivering my speech. she also smiles at me. A LOT! in some way, her behaviour actually relaxes me.
• Datin Solehah looked quite strict.
• Teacher Zurina's son was very active. he was walking around the class.
• 7A2 was a very nice class. they put some guppies in the middle of the classroom. they put it in an aquarium with some aquatic plants.the world nowadays are so modern.
  
• the timekeeper looked like she was about to faint.
• the Emcee scribbles A LOT..! i wonder what she was scribling..hurm..

after the results was announced, i was quite disappointed when my name was not in the list.
but, i know that i did not do my very best.
and i also knew that if i prepare earlier i should've got the chance for the second round,
after that, most of the people that were eligible for the second round stayed for some instructions from Teacher Zu. i don't know what i'm doing there, but i stayed too.
the voice inside my head kept on telling me to go because i'm not in for the second round.
but the other half of me told me to stay.
deep inside my heart, i was actually hoping that i might,somehow, be part of the first round winners.
then, TeAcher Zakiah turned around to look at me and said,
"it's okay Najwa. It's a good try. the only problem with you is that you don't have the style. but your pronunciation is really good."

i walked home saying to myself, "i didn't get the second chance to win but at least i went home with a compliment from the teacher."

and i would not fuss about me not winning anymore because i know that there are something good that i did during my talk.

mine,
nudgewa.





p/s: a bit bummed by my dorm mates.
p/ss: i purposely let my post this time simple. if you have any difficulty reading it, please leave me a comment.














9 days.

look what that '2-packets-of-Bino-Zambai-Coffee' did to me...

MERLIN'S BEARD!!!

it gave me GAS!!

and i thought i would end up going to the toilet for a dozen times..!

thank god it was only GAS.

we had assembly today..
dull, but i like Mr. Abu's speech today.
i heard his every word.
well, i did missed out some parts though..(i went to the toilet. GAS..remember??)
overall of school day today??
plain OK.

5/10 marks.

why???

because most of the teacher's were not in.
they were:

• ustzh Atmar (assembly finished quite late. so, most of her period was taken.)
• teacher ZWO (mc..i wonder why..)
• teacher Zakiah (she's a VERY BUSY lady)
• Sir Jeff (don't ask. he never came for our civic lessons. i repeat; NEVVER!)

oh..

and there's a bummer today.
the public speaking competition was held today.
and they informed us...WHEN..??
oh..i remember, this morning during ASSEMBLY..!
can you imagine THAT!
i haven't prepared ANYTHING!

well,

i'll post again later..
about the public speaking.

right now, all i want to do is take a shower and perform my prayer.

=)

till then,
nudgewa.
















9 days.

my frens are my gems!

yes.. i ♥ my friends..

GENG BULAT yg comey!