You

Hey you.
Yea you.

How are you?
Is everything okay?
Did you arrive safely?

I miss you already.

It's going to be a very long week after this.

I love you. I miss you. Good night Munky Boo.

:)

~najwa

p/s: Thank you for a very great week together. Walaupun terperap je, I had so much fun. As long as it is with you, kan? ;)

God and His plans

"Tuhan bergerak dengan misteri dan kebijaksanaan Dia."

"the only person you need to beat--
is the yesterday you.

kita sedar diri.
pelan2 kayuh.
dan jangan busuk hati."

[Fynn Jamal]

Fair point well made kak Fynn. Thank you.

~najwa

Gaduh

Gaduh time sekolah menengah senang nak lari. Boleh apply untuk tukar sekolah.
Gaduh time matrik, boleh tahan lagi. Sebab matrik setahun dua je.
Tapi gaduh sekarang, masa universiti?

Nak pindah?
Memang tak la. Dah la course aku ni susah nak dapat kat U lain.

Nak berenti?
Aku punye kelayakan ni tak cukup lagi untuk terus stop belajar.

The only way was to bear with it for another 3 years. I hope I am strong enough to go through all this.

~najwa

p/s: Luah sini sebab aku dalam proses memboikot Twitter.

Good things

Good thing I get to be the first to bring you to IKEA to eat meatballs.
Good thing I went to see Fynn Jamal with you.
Good thing I get to spend the whole day of the 6th of July with you.
Good thing I get to buy hamper things with you for the PEKA program.
Good thing I get to do all the nicest, fun things with you.
I hope you feel the same.
I miss you.
But I know that we'll never get to do those things again.
And the thought of it hurts me.

~najwa

What bugs me

Maybe what bugs me the most was the fact that you are not around and you don't reply me. Let alone waiting for you to start texting me first. Memang tak la.

~najwa

p/s: Yes. I'm clingy and very dependent like that when it comes to intimate relationship. Hence explains why I am so 'manja'.

p/p/s: Have you forgotten me? Did you not miss me? :(

Currently

Currently thinking of ways to avoid you.
Currently thinking of ways to be away from you.
Currently trying to erase these feelings.
Currently trying to find your replacement (which of course will never be as perfect as you. THIS is HARD. And if I can, I never want to do this).
Currently browsing through other universities that offers my course.
Currently doing anything that would take my mind of you.
Currently.
Currently.
Currently.



But how I wish things are easier for us so that I never have to do all of these things. So that both of us remain unhurt.

~najwa

p/s: Need to find work ASAP so that I can stop thinking of YOU. Thinking of you tears me apart.

Ramadhan

So today is the second day of Ramadhan.

The month where we should control our nafs.
The month where we should do good deeds.
The month where we should do nice things.
The month where we should do soul cleansing.
The month where we should repent.

I guess that is what she's doing now.
I guess I should do the same.

I am too messed up to begin with.
It's time to wake up.

~najwa

p/s: Heart is no longer here. Heart is with you. It will always be with you even though I'm with other people. It will always be with you. This heartbreak is killing me.

Kau, Aku tak suka

Aku paling tak suka bila kau berahsia
Bila kau susah cerita

Tapi aku tahu.
Aku tak boleh buat apa
Aku tak boleh paksa

Sebab hak bukan milik aku

Kan?

~najwa

p/s: Hari pertama Ramadhan dah 'banjir'. Tapi yang tu takpe. Yang tu boleh cover sebab masa tu tengah tengok cerita 'The Last Song'. Hari kedua Ramadhan lebih mencabar rupanya. Hari kedua terus mandi air mata lepas baca semua tu.. Esok macam mana pulak? :|

Dah tak ada

Dah tak ada gambar2 tu kat akaun kau.
Tak apa.
Aku faham.

~najwa

p/s: Tipu kalau kata tak sedih. Berair-air mata. Meleleh-leleh air mata. Tapi sampai bila gambar 'aku' nak terus menghiasi akaun kau kan? Takpe. Aku faham

p/p/s: Rasa macam nak deactivate akaun Twitter. What good does it do when every time you log in, you ended up crying because the Tweets there hurt you so bad.

p/p/p/s: I guess that means I'm going to lose my shoulder to cry on. The only person that can stand hearing me babbling. The only person that understands me. :'((((

maybe

maybe we should just part ways
maybe we need time away from each other
maybe
just maybe
that way
we can finally think clearly
think rationally
and go our own way

back to earth
back to life
back to reality

returning to our life where we'll live in denial
that our hearts are one
but are never together

~najwa

Dan bila putus...

Dan jika putus,
Jika semua putus, adakah kita akan berlagak seperti saling tak kenal?
Seperti kita tak pernah bebal?
Seperti kita sudah sesal?

Itu kah?

Pasti pedih jika itu jalan penyelesaiannya.

~najwa

Terkadang

Terkadang aku terfikir.

Apa jalan penyelesaian kita?

Putuskan semua yang ada dan lupa segala yang ada...

Atau terus, terus dan terus maju tanpa ada salah apa?

~najwa

My Other Half

Marah aku, kau yang redakan.
Senyap aku, hanya kau yang mampu hilangkan.
Bahagia aku, kau gembira.
Sedih aku, kau sakit bila tahu.
Sakit aku, kau jagakan.

What more can I say?
You complete me.
You are, my other half.

~najwa

Tanya, Jawab, Salah

Terkadang aku tanyakan pada diri sendiri
Kenapa begini?
Bagaimana boleh terjadi?

Stres?
Tak kuat iman?
Nafsu?
Kecewa dengan yang sebelum ini?

Atau memang kerana perasaan sebenar?
Perasan selesa dan terasa dilindungi apabila ada yang memahami diri ini lebih daripada diri ini faham diri sendiri.

Aku tak tahu.
Yang aku tahu ia salah.
Tapi aku tetap sayangkan kau.

Sayang sangat.
Sehingga tak tahu macam mana nak menghapus perasaan itu.

Sekian.

~najwa

p/s: I miss you already. You know who you are kan? ;) [Walaupun aku tak tahu kau baca atau tak post ni.]

Cuma

Sampai satu masa;
kita tak mahu apa-apa
tak mampu fikir satu benda
tak peduli apa orang kata
hanya mahu bersama
untuk selamanya

Walaupun, itu harapan saja.
Tak mengapa.

[karya Fazleena Hishamuddin, bukan aku.]

~najwa

Hurt

Do you know what it feels like to love somebody but not being able to live with them, like for EVER and EVER?

Well, it hurts.
So bad.

So bad that I feel like it's better for me to just die in a car crash than to have to object to this pain I'm feeling.
So bad that I feel like it's better for me to just die from a disease than to have to object to this pain I'm feeling.

Yes.
It hurts that bad.

~najwa

PATHETIC

Daripada Fynn Jamal. Mengenai perkataan 'pathetic'.

Katanya,

"we see this word being thrown around everyday. mungkin sebab kita just dengar selalu-- jadi kita adapt. banyak masa, penggunaannya salah situasi. kelas english ini hari adalah "pathetic". sebutnya-- /pe/ mcm sebut petai. /thae/ mcm sebut sempoi guna lidah pendek. /tik/ mcm sebut tikar. pathetic sebenarnya sangat spesifik. ia merujuk kepada orang2 yang arousing pity yakni meminta kasihan melalui cerita sedih dan kisah meleleh tahap "alaaaaahaiiiiii". maka jelas. orang2 pathetic adalah orang2 yang kita patut kasihankan kerana itulah yang dia hendak. perhatian dari orang yang sudi mengasihankan dia. dalam bahasa johor: terhegeh2. fuh. kejam, kan, definisinya? tak cukup lagi. makna kedua adalah lebih kejam. miserably inadequate yakni terlalu tak layak ke tahap miserable iaitu tahap merasa bangsat tentang diri sendiri. pergh. banyak kali kita dengar gelaran ini dibagi2 pada orang. sekarang sudah tahu makna, bukan? maka elok2. jangan main guna. sebab memanggil orang pathetic adalah antara gelaran paling bawah kita boleh bagi. ok? tak kiralah dia memang jenis menghegeh tak malu menghina diri sendiri tahap kita rasa "dah la weh memalukan diri kau" jenis KITA yang kesian dia tak kesian diri sendiri-- biarkan sahaja. jenis2 orang begini-- ubatnya adalah satu: jangan dilayan. senyapkan. dan biarkan. banyakkan doa. moga2 jenis2 manusia yang rajin mencipta kisah sedih demi perhatian dan kasihan manusia begini akan sedar-- tuhan jualah yang maha mengasihani. bukan manusia. ini adalah pesanan untuk semua. termasuk pada aku jua. berhenti2lah mencari kasih dalam kasihan orang. berhenti bercerita sedih2. mula cari yang indah2 tentang hidup kita. dan bahagia walau sekecil mana. kita ini makhluk ada harga. BUKAN pathetic."

Cukup dia yang menjelaskan perkataan ini. Semua yang aku rasa, semua ada dalam setiap kata-katanya.

~najwa

p/s: Kepada yang 'arousing pity' tu, sila lah sedarkan diri anda.

How Beautiful

"How beautiful is it to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged from them. And how beautiful is it to laugh when someone thinks you are going to shed tears." - Asyikin Yusof

From a friend. Asyikin Yusof.

~najwa

p/s: Because I think it is beautiful. :)