An Ending

I know what we did was wrong.
I know what I did to you was wrong.
I know what we did made you feel awkward.
But for once, can't you just consider my feelings?
But for once, can't you understand that it made me feel awkward too?
It's not easy for me too.
FUCK what we did in the past time.
I am trying very hard here to try and save our friendship back.
But if you won't cooperate, then I gave up.
I won't bounce back to you.
I feel damn rejected by you already.
What you said was true; 'Don't get too close to people, it'll just hurt ourselves.'
Thank you. Now the words backfired to us.
Thanks for being such a great listener and friend before 'it' happened.

Goodbye.

~najwa
p/s: Please let me finish Degree as soon as possible! I hate the people here!

Mempertikai, Dipertikaikan

Sedih bila ada yang mempertikai keputusan kami balik semenanjung disebabkan perang tu. Katanya;

>> Fikirlah sesuatu itu secara matang

>> jgn cepat paranoid

>> mcm mane nak berjihad utk pertahankan negara sedangkan baru sikit ujian...da TAKUT

>> Jgn disebabkan penyakit MALAS...kite mudah utuk mengalah dalam mencari ilmu

>> Ingatlah di mana2 ade maut

>> Bagaimana kalau terjadi semenanjung?? kite nak pindah Sabah pulak kew??

>> Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??

>> Ibu bapa akn tenang sekiranya kite bercerita semuanya OK sahaja 

>> Menuntut ilmu itu salah satu jihad..^___^

"Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??"

"Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??"

"Kdg2 sy x pham...bgaimane cara mereka berfikir??"

Statement yang tu memang paling xleh blah! Cara dia cakap macam bagus. Dia tak sedar ke yang LIFE is LIKE THAT? He or she cannot expect people to be like them. Different people, different ways, different parents. What I mean by different parents is that some parents may tolerate us being in that kind of situation but some, they are worried as hell and couldn't bear if anything happened to their children knowing that they could have avoid risking their child.

Dan katanya lagi, 'Ingatlah di mana2 ade maut'. So true. I've been saying that to myself ever since the war and ever since mama kept asking me whether or not I want to go back to KL. Honestly, I didn't want to go back. I would really love to stay in SPL even though the war is haunting me every night and I find it really hard to sleep at night. But the thought that I'm making my mama worried sick just because of me, I decided to go back. My mama, she have high blood pressure. I don't want her to get sick worrying about me. She have got loads of things to be worried about. But I'm not gonna be one of them.

So, to those of you who are trying to look down at us because we're leaving the WAR ZONE, shut your big fucking mouth! Place yourself in our shoes and you'll know what it feels like to be us. Cakap pasal pengecut la apa la, why not korang je yang pergi perang kat Lahad Datu tu...?! Ada berani..?! Ni semua pakat ikut pindah pergi KK then enjoying yourselves kat 1B and then complaining here and there. Such a pain in the ass you know.

Cermin diri sendiri sebelum cakap apa-apa. Or it might get back to you.

~najwa

p/s: People with their one minded minds, they're getting on my nerves.

Moving on or move on?

Well, I know it’s been weeks since my last post but I really missed blogging. Like, SO MUCH! (Boring intro, I know. Sorry) I got so many things in my mind that I would blog about but the connection here SUCKS. It’s no fun blogging when the connection’s slowmo.

Ok. Moving on. That what I currently have in mind now. Few weeks before I got to Brunei, the EX has been texting me, reminding of the memories we once had together and when I asked him if he wanted us together again he just said that he was not sure and he didn’t mention if he missed me either. So I guessed he was just lonely and kept me in his contact list just because I’m like his booty-call or something. When I told my friends and Gee about this they all agreed that I should just shut him down and ignore him. They also said that they’ll ever forgive me, literally, if I were to be with him again because he’s hurt me so bad and I’ll be stupid if I’m with him again. So I told myself to just forget him. Ignore him. Shut him down.

But then I came across these:

‘Just because somebody hurt us once, it doesn’t mean that we have to permanently delete them from our phone book.’ (I know that but he DESERVED to be deleted from my phone book!)

‘Things change. People grow.’

And I thought she was gonna say 'People change.’ But she didn’t. That’s what made me think. I moved on I made it very clear to myself that I wasn’t gonna fall to my ex’s trap again. If she did say ‘People change’, then I know for sure that he is NOT gonna change. But she said ‘People grow’. And that got me thinking. I was thinking that people really did grow. I was thinking what if one day, the ex started to finally GROW and be matured and managed to think rationally about his past, no, OUR past, and came to me, what should I do then? Should I accept him again? Are my friends and family going to forgive me if I do that?

But the questions were left hanging. Unanswered. And I’m confused. I guess it’s better to just move on now and think less about him. I’ve been thinking too much about him already. I should stop. Keep calm and move my ass on. Yea, I think I’m gonna do that. Just let the future be future. We don’t wanna ruin the surprise now, do we? J

~najwa

p/s: I got that quotes from Mrs Ashley Marin of Pretty Little Liars. Yea, currently watching it. This drama got me thinking about a lot of things. Just for extra information, it was from Season 2, Episode 3. And today is Azim’s birthday. Happy birthday there old pal.